2nd Trimester With Baby M

I am 2 weeks late writing this but better late than never (I am currently 30 weeks!) My 2nd trimester went by SO fast and SO much happened!

Fun Facts:

+Baby is a Boy! You can read all about it here

+Baby is healthy and SO active! Especially at 7am and 11pm

+Baby grew from a lemon to an eggplant

+Baby M has a name

Overall:

+2nd trimester was soooooooooooooooo much better than my 1st trimester

+I was looking forward to my 2nd trimester SO much so that I would stop throwing up and being so sick...but that day still hasn't come. I continued to throw up 3-5x a week and was nauseous everyday throughout my 2nd trimester. Luckily it was usually just a few times in the morning and I would feel better after taking medicine but it has definitely been tough some days!

+My mental health has still been overall good! A million times better than I could've ever imagined!

+Could not have gotten through my 2nd trimester without my pregnancy pillow. Oh and Pax of course because he has to help me put on my shoes and get things off of the ground for me now. 

Weeks 15-19

+I started having a little baby bump at week 15! 

+I felt Baby M kicking inside my belly for the first time week 16. Paxton didn't feel him kick until week 23! I have an anterior placenta which made it hard for anyone else to feel him.

+Week 18 I started feeling baby move every single day. It kind of freaked me out at first, not going to lie, but I grew to absolutely love it.

+I didn't have ANY appetite until after week 18. Up until that point I didn't have any cravings, it was more like there was only 1 thing on the entire planet that maybe sounded good. 

+Ligament pain surprised me SO much! I had to be SO careful when turning over in bed and had to brace my stomach before a cough or a sneeze came because the pain was sometimes EXCRUCIATING.

+Once week 19 came around I FINALLY started to understand why everyone said 2nd Trimester was the best! I had more energy & the nausea and puking decreased a little bit.

+Finding out Baby M's gender was one of the most exciting days of my life! I loved seeing him on the ultrasound! So crazy to think the next time we will see him is when he is here in our arms!

Weeks 20-28

+I didn't gain any weight until after I was 21 weeks along (most likely from being so sick all the time!)

+Finally had some serious cravings for Gatorade and Sour Punch Straws. I literally could've had gatorade every second of everyday which is SO weird because before pregnancy I NEVER drank gatorade.

+I started experiencing the beloved back and rib pain. The rib pain was WAY worse than the back pain. The back pain only lasted about a week. The rib pain has stuck with me everyday.

+At 24 Weeks I could no longer fit into a lot of my pre-pregnancy clothes! I began living in leggings, dresses, and maternity clothes!

+26 weeks my appetite finally came back and I'm hungry ALLLLL THE TIME

+We had a little scare and had to go to the hospital to monitor baby and make sure I wasn't in pre-term labor. Everything ended up being perfectly fine!

+I passed the glucose test and had to get a shot for RH factor. I didn't pass out or have a panic attack which was a HUGE win for me!

+I have to wear a heart monitor for the next 2 weeks because I have been experiencing some uncomfortable symptoms and we need to rule out that it isn't my heart.

JUST A FEW MORE MONTHS TO GO!!!!!!

xoxo

Bailey

1st Trimester With Baby M

I can't believe I am already in my 2nd trimester! These past few weeks have been flying by! I wanted to document my first trimester here so I can remember this crazy and amazing time of my life! In many ways it's exactly how I would've expected it to go, but in more ways it was very very different than I imagined!

Fun Facts:
+Baby is due July 12
+We saw baby for the first time at week 8
+Paxton thinks baby is a boy, but I think it might just be a girl
+We got to hear babies strong heartbeat
+Baby grew from a poppyseed to a lemon

Overall:

+My mental health has been so good! I was worried my anxiety would be very bad but honestly it hasn't been an issue which I feel very blessed about. I even was able to come off of one of my meds!

+Pregnancy hasn't freaked me out as much as I thought it would! I always thought I would HATE being pregnant but that is not the case. I feel empowered and blessed.

+I didn't pass out when I got my blood drawn and I'm not anxious at every single appointment. I'm handling things well! Yay me!

+I haven't had pop or sweets consistently at all. All my favorite things just do not sound good. Breaks my heart. I miss food.

+French Fries, juice, mac & cheese, and gold fish have been a few constants that I actually can eat.

Weeks 4-7
+It SHOCKED me how much my body changed/how many symptoms I felt in just the first few weeks of finding out I was expecting.

+SO MUCH ACNE! I've never ever struggled with acne in my life but one morning I woke up and I could not even believe it!

+My breasts were more sore than I could have ever imagined. SOOOOO SORE FOR WEEKS. Not to mention the change in size.

+The exhaustion was so real. I could've fallen asleep anywhere at any given time of the day. By 8 o clock I was completely done for the day. 

+I cried a lot. Which I expected since i'm already an emotional person.
I cried because I was so excited to be a mom.
I cried because I missed my husband while he was gone for 13 hour days at school.
I cried because I went and got chick fil a and then my fries spilled on the floor in the car and I just could not even handle.
I cried because I forgot to pack a dress on our trip to California.
I cried over heartwarming Facebook videos. You name it. 

+Absolutely 0 appetite 24/7. If I didn't have to eat to survive I probably wouldn't have. I didn't really have "cravings" more like there was only 1 thing in the world that I could maybe even possibly eat. Most of the food I was able to eat during that time I probably will never eat again in my life...or at least for a long time. This included Cafe Rio which I definitely cried about.

WEEKS 7-11

+Once week 7 came along I was unbelievably sick and nauseous all the time. Throwing up 1-4 times a day. I could barely talk sometimes because if I did I knew throw up would be making its way out.
+It was hard to go outside because the cold air would make me gag gag gag. And the insane nausea was all day everyday at that point.
+I definitely called my mom crying multiple times telling her I can't believe people do this all the time.  It was just plain HARD. Harder than I could have ever have imagined!  I could not believe how much I struggled weeks 7-11.
+ It got just as mentally hard as it was physically hard because it seemed like the sickness, headaches, exhaustion would never ever end.
+I spent as much time in my bed and on my couch as I possibly could. I felt like a failure of a wife because doing chores and cooking was such a challenge.
+Mommas really are warriors!!! It was crazy that I could feel so horrible yet so grateful and blessed at the same time.

WEEKS 12-14
+Once week 12 hit things seemed to get a little better symptom wise
+I wasn't nauseous 24/7 and only throwing up once a day a few times a week.
+My energy slowly started to come back as well as a small appetite!
+Time just seemed to fly!
+We got to hear babies heart beat for the first time.
+A teeny tiny little baby bump started showing- the one where it could be a food baby or a real baby.
+Some stretch marks began to show up but I'm trying to not beat myself up too much over that because I know how beautiful and incredible my body is for growing another human!

xoxo
Bailey

Our Dental School Story

       

               

   

I have a million things to catch you all up on but don't know where to begin. So let me start and tell you our Dental School Story-

Paxton first applied to dental school June 2015, he got a good competitive score on the DAT and had an incredible application and we were very hopeful. He did not get 1 interview.  NOT ONE! WE WERE SO CONFUSED. We both had felt very strongly that this was the right career path for him and that we should apply this round. We were devastated. People that Paxton knew that had gotten even lower DAT scores and grades were getting interviews and we didn't. It just didn't make any sense. After a few months of waiting we never got any offers. So that whole next year him & I both worked full time and started saving up to retake the DAT and reapply the next year!

He retook the DAT May of 2016 and got an even BETTER score than before and we applied to (almost) the same 15 schools. After a few months the interview offers just kept on coming!! He was offered 9 interviews all over the US but most importantly he got interviews at both of our TOP 3 DENTAL SCHOOLS we wanted. We were so beyond blessed. It was so crazy to look back and think how the first year we got NONE and the next we had SO many options. Anyways. He ended up attending 5/9 interviews and felt good about all of them. 

I was able to go with I'm to his University of Utah Interview and as I was driving around SLC and exploring all the places around the dental school I had a VERY strong feeling we would be living there. It was weird but it felt like home and very familiar. I had thoughts of "I can't wait to move here" pop into my mind without even realizing it.

Anyways, a few months passed and on the 1st of December he got his 1st acceptance at LECOM in Bradenton Florida! He got waitlisted for the University of Utah, Roseman, and the IDEP program (his top choice). He probably checked his email a million times every single day that whole month of December, but we knew that Florida is where we would be moving because the chances of him getting off of the waitlist for the other schools were very slim.  We had like a million emotions going through us. I spent 3 therapy sessions crying about it. But eventually we both were excited for this new Florida adventure! He got into dental school and that was a dream come true.

One day in January I got home for lunch and Pax walked over and said "I got accepted to the University of Utah" I just looked at him because I couldn't really comprehend what he just said. "They just called me and offered me a spot at the U." I broke down crying and called my mom and she cried and I was so relieved and overjoyed! But we had a lot of big decisions to make. The whole previous month we had been looking at apartments in Florida, payed a huge deposit, and were so focused on preparing to move across the country. Probably the hardest decision of our life was trying to decide between the U and LECOM because there were so many pros and cons to both and were basically an even playing field. That was a rough week of constant going back and forth between choosing the U then choosing LECOM and all over again. We felt good about both and just didn't know what to choose. Eventually it came down to him liking the learning style at the U more and being closer to our families to have that support during these next long 4 years!

Sometimes I wonder why we didn't just hear back from the U at the beginning of December... Like if we were "supposed" to go and be there why didn't it just happen first thing? It  definitely would have saved us A TON of money and anxiety! But we eventually made it to this point so thats all that matters I guess!! 

So we moved to Utah at the end of June! Paxton started dental school the beginning of August and had his White Coat Ceremony! He definitely keeps very very busy with school but he is liking (most) of his classes and is an amazing student! I just have so much love for my hard working husband and am just a very proud wife! He has made really good friends in the program already and I just feel very at peace that this was where we were meant to be at this time and that it was no accident that we didn't hear back from any of the schools the first time we applied. 

xoxo

Bailey

I'm not screwed. I'm not messed up. I don't have issues.

I'm doing better. Beginning to feel more like myself. Consistently not having to take my "emergency pills" and have more confidence in my ability to better manage my anxiety. And I even don't have to see my therapist for 2 whole months because I'm doing so much better.
When I look back on these past 6 months I feel grateful for the progress I've made and  how much easier living normal life has started to feel. I consider myself lucky in a way. Becaue back in January, when I was rock bottom, I could not even begin to picture the strides and milestones I have accomplished in this journey.
But that's the hardest part of this whole thing. It's a journey. It doesn't have a destination. It doesn't have the happy sweet ending that I had been begging and praying for. The one where my anxiety would go away, my panic attacks would end, and I would go back to how my life was before all of this. That was my goal. I had felt "normal" at one point in my life so I wanted to attain that again. It took me months before I even TRIED to accept the fact that anxiety was going to be a part of my life. I thought I had been accepting it, but deep down inside my goal was to justget RID of anxiety rather than learn how to live WITH it.
I had the greatest therapist ever. Hands down I could not have gone through this without his expertise, patience, and listening ears. I will forever be grateful for the things he taught me through this process.  2 sessions ago we had a "break theough" moment. I was getting frustrated with my anxiety. Frustrated that it wouldn't go away. Frustrated that besides medication and counseling there isn't much help for mental health. Frustrated that I wasn't making more progress. Frustrated that I was still having anxiety here and there. Frustrated about a million things. My therapist helped me to realize the reality of my situation, genetics, and mental illness. That the key to really progressing with anxiety is to ACCEPT it. It took me 4 months before I finally truly did this. It took me 4 months before I faced the heartbreaking truth I didn't want to be true. That I have anxiety and that's just a fact. No matter how much I try to not have it, I do. The. More I tried to wish it away, the more I couldn't. It wasn't until I fully accepted my anxiety that I finally felt powerful. It doesn't mean that I am "okay" wit having anxiety, heck no I am not! It doesn't mean I "like" my anxiety, not even a little. But I ACCEPT that I have it and that I am going to have to live my life differently than others.
I'm going to have to constantly take care of my mental health. I'm going to need to understand and know my limits. I'm going to have to push myself differently than others. I'm going to have to meditate and make self care a continual thing.  I'm going to be uncomfortable in many situations and I'm going to have to understand that and accept that about myself.
It's kind of an interesting brain transition. A weird thought process. And you better believe I was a heartbroken sobbing mess when I finally accepted that anxiety was apart of my life. But it really made all the difference. I've had to entirely change my relationship with anxiety. All of this doesn't mean I'm going to have extreme panic attacks and extreme anxiety like I experienced these past few months. It doesn't mean that I'm screwed for life. It doesn't mean that I can't still enjoy my life.  It doesn't mean that I'm messed up and have serious issues and have to struggle for the rest of my life. Cause believe me, I used to think all those things.
It all means that I have a better relationship & understand of my anxiety. That I know myself better. That I have tools and things I've had to practice the heck out of to be able to function better and live a more normal life. That I am not as terrified of my anxiety as I used to be. That I no longer am terrified of living life with this anxiety disorder I have.



Xoxo
Bailey

I never would've imagined..

Hey everyone! Haven't blogged in almost 2 months, my apologies! I don't like to blog just to post so usually i wait until I have something I really want to share. And today I feel  like I have something I want to share.

Something has happened that a few months ago I never would've imagined- I am starting to feel more like myself. Back in January I really thought I was stuck, and that I would never be happy again, normal again, and able to function again. I don't think people realize how SERIOUS I am being when I say that. I was at my lowest of lows and I thought I was stuck. I didn't know HOW I got to that point in my life and so I didn't know how to fix it. It was unreal the things I was experiencing and it all just hit me like a ton of red bricks and I was helpless. I'm not sure anyone can really understand unless they've been there. I wasn't suicidal, wasn't super depressed- but I was terrified. It's a scary thing when everyday normal life becomes a challenge to get through every single day and you know other people can't relate and that you are kind of in this on your own. I had people to support me, I had people to help, but really no one TRULY knew what I was going through.

These past few months I worked HARD, freaking HARD to try and get better, healthier, happier. And it's been a lot of work but it's starting to pay off. The BIGGEST thing that has helped me through all of this has been Counseling. It has changed my life. I don't think I would have been able to do HALF of the things that I did this last month if it wouldn't have been for therapy. And my husband and my family (obviously) to help push me and motivate me and keep me positive. Here is and update of what I have been able to do since I last blogged at the beginning of February. These are all tasks I wouldn't have even THOUGHT of doing back in January that I've accomplished-

+went to walmart by myself for 10 minutes to exchange something
+went to a few boutiques by myself for a few minutes
+was able to go to some families house without my husband and didn't feel like i was going to have a panic attack
+i walked into a store by myself while my husband parked the car
+i was able to go get a few groceries by myself while my husband was in another part of the store
+i drove longer than 40 minutes by myself
+went to a dr appointment by myself
+started selling LipSense
+started going to therapy by myself and eventually wasn't anxious every single time
+started being able to go to church without having constant anxiety every single time
+started being able to go to work without constant anxiety (but had to make a lot of adjustments to get to that point)
+i was able to go to a friends house without having a panic attack (still was very anxious though)
+ i went on a run by myself (right by my house but that was still an improvement)
+didn't have to back out of as many things as I did november-february
+got to a point where i finally let my husband and I plan for our Hawaii trip (still very anxious about it though)
+the most recent one- I went to the gym ALL BY MYSELF

Crazy how simple some of those tasks seem but those have been serious HUGE milestones for me. Some of them sound so silly, and probably hard to understand why those would've been hard for me, but they were. This is what I  LITERALLY thought back in January-

+i would not be able to have kids because of my anxiety
+i would have to quit my job because of my anxiety
+my husband wasn't going to want to be married of me because of my anxiety
+i was going to lose all my friends because of my anxiety because i wouldn't be able to leave my house
+we were never gong to be able to go to hawaii or ANYWHERE because of my anxiety
+i would never be able to go grocery shopping on my own(still haven't but I'm working towards it)
+i would always be anxious everyday for the rest of my life
+i wouldn't be able to exercise or go to the gym ever again
+i would have to just stay in my house all day everyday

THAT IS NOT HOW I THINK ANYMORE. THAT IS NOT ME ANYMORE. MY ANXIETY IS NOT ME ANYMORE. I have it, yes. I struggle with it, yes. I've come to grips that it's going to be a long battle, but I am FUNCTIONING better than I thought I ever would. Doing things I never would've imagined. I'm coming back to myself. Things are still difficult for me today. My comfort zone is still pretty small. I still can't do everything on my own and still can't wrap my mind around a few things, but I've made progress. A LOT of progress. Back in January I would've rated my overall wellness a solid 2/10 and now at the end of March I would give it a 7/10. Working towards that 10/10! It is possible to have anxiety AND live a happy life. 

xox
Bailey

Life Lately// Mid August- Now

US

+ My college BBF got married so Pax and I went to Utah. We spent a few days there going to the Aquarium, Hogle Zoo, SLC Bees Baseball game, and 7 Peaks. It was so fun to see all my college besties and have a perfect little trip with my hubby. Did I mention my BFFs wedding was perfect? Because it was! 

+We went dirt biking with Paxton's BFF. I was so nervous about it but it ended up being way fun. Pax wants a bike so bad but I just can't say yes yet. 

+We watched unhealthy amounts of Prison Break. Ha. Seriously love that show so much, if you haven't seen it- it's a MUST.

+We both chose a church book to read for Sundays to help better ourselves. I am reading one called Twice Blessed about forgiveness and he is reading the Infinite Atonement. It's been so hard to pick up a book and read just for fun since you spend hours reading in college, but it's been a really nice thing to start!

ME

+I did a fun giveaway with 2 of my bffs and a clothing company! It was way fun! I love helping companies become more well known and I love trying knew new products. I keep going back and forth between wanting to be your #basicblogger and not wanting to care about that stuff but I'm indecisive. 

+ All my sisters were here and we went and had a girls day- shopping and eating at Panera. I love them so much and it's been so fun having them all grown up and liking the same things as me!

+I've been busy with being in the Relief Society Presidency. Planning activities, attending meetings, going on visits etc. But I really have come to love this calling and being able to serve the girls in my ward and get to know them better!

+I have been trying to make improvements with my mental and physical health! I want to feel good about myself and accomplish goals I have had! I want to make this a life style. I've been doing more yoga and meditation, looking up self help articles or videos on Youtube. I've been trying to get myself back into running to show myself I can do hard things. I've started eating healthier and cutting out pop and sweets and following a guide and joining a challenge group to help keep me accountable! I've been watching makeup tutorials and researching different makeup products and brands so I that can become more of a hobby. 

HIM

+Pax started his Fall semester and he has been busy busy busy ever since! I married such a hard worker! I love him for it but I get sad when I can't see him all the time! He's getting SO close to being done and I'm so excited for him.

+Pax started working as a Math Tutor at school. He's so patient,smart, and really great at helping others. It makes me so happy to have married such a great guy. 

+Paxton's knee continues to get better and stronger and he's been able to play basketball more often which makes him so happy! 

+Paxtons 22 birthday was last week! We went to Olive Garden to celebrate one night and then his mom made a yummy dinner for everyone a different night! He's not too big on birthdays, but I don't let him get away with it. 

We really have been so busy around here but I'm just so grateful for weekends and that I get to do life with Pax <3

xoxo

Bailey

Life Lately//July-Now

+Pax took the dreaded DAT. He dedicated so much time and effort into studying for this test and it paid off! Love my hard working hubby! 

+Pax had knee surgery 2 days after taking that test. He has had bad knees for a few years now and they were getting even worse! He went and saw a Doctor and they said he just had early onset Arthritis but we both felt like there was more than just that! After a month of doing what the Dr suggested we had them do a MRI and they found a Meniscus tear. He went in for surgery and there wasn't a tear, the MRI had been wrong! He ended up having  a Lateral Release instead and they had to shave of part of his knee cap and realign it because it was tilted and twisted.  Luckily they saw that there was a tear because that's what got us in to have surgery in the first place and who knows if they would've figured out that this Lateral Release was what he needed.  recovery has been going well and we will have to go in and have the same thing down on his other leg in a few months!

+We became an Uncle & Aunt to our new beautiful niece Blakely! She has SO much hair and is the cutest little bug! She makes me sooooo baby hungry!

+We spent the 4th of July with his family and my family! We went and spent the day at the Green Belt. We played games and got our favorite Mexican Crazy Corn and Reeds Dairy Ice cream. The firework show was incredible as always.

+We got to take a break from life and head down to Utah to see friends and family! We went to the Aquarium, the Puppy Barm (Pax wants a puppy soooo bad), I had a sleepover with my college BFFFFFS and we all got spray tans, went to Aubreys bridal shower, spent quality time with my BFF and got manicures, ate at all my fave places, reunited with Sodalicious, and watched another amazing firework show for Pioneer Day

+ Spent a fun weekend with my family celebrating my BFF who married my cousin's little babies birthday. Did that make sense? (BFF+ Married my cousin= baby= cousin) We went to Rexburg Rapids and got fried....and had a cute little BBQ. 

+We went to Wyoming with Paxton's family to celebrate his grandparents 50th. We stopped an got the famous Square Ice Cream, we did the Alpine slide- SO fun, spent some time looking at the cute shops, and went to Bar J Wranglers- such a fun experience!

xoxo

Bailey

Life Lately.

Top:Penelope Olive Pants: Called to Surf  Necklace: Hope Ave 

Picture Credit: Anna Christine Photography Facebook,  Website , Instagram 

When I was younger I kept a journal like it was my job. I would write almost every single night! About EVERYTHING!!! I have kept 48 complete journals since I was 8 years old. It was never difficult for me to write or to keep a journal. It was one of my favorite things ever and just 100% habit. I'm so glad that I kept those journals when I was younger because it is so fun to go back and read all the things I wrote in 3rd grade-5th grade about my husband. Once I got into college it became less of a habit because there was just SO much going on. Then when me and Pax started dating it went down even MORE. And those are the times I wish I would have kept a journal! I literally barely have anything written from when we were dating/engaged/married. But it just wasn't a priority at the time and I just didn't make the time for it. Boo. So I need to be better. But it's been really hard for me to get back into it! Luckily there's social media where I can document stuff but I really do miss writing A BUNCH. Like this blog here that I need to be more committed to. Anyways, my rant if over. Life Lately--

+Pax and I hit the 6 month of marriage mark and went out for dinner then went to Sodavine, the place we went to "catch up" after 10 years and started to fall in love. #presh

+Pax has been studying SO Hard for his Dental Entrance exam. I'm so proud of him and all of his hard work! I married such a dedicated and strong guy. He impresses me daily. 

+I've been working hard at becoming happier. Just in general. And I feel the best and most "me" than I have in a really long time and I have just learned a lot in the past few months. 

+ I became a brand ambassador for Ruby Twelve Jewelry  and have been doing a few collaborations with cute companies! It is something completely new I am starting but I have enjoyed it and it has pushed me out of my comfort zone!

+ My little bb sister graduated from High School! It was so weird being back in my old High School gym and reflecting on all those memories. Not to mention it completely freaked me out because I feel like I graduated 1 year ago but like no, it was 3 years ago.

+ Pax and I went hiking to a gorgeous lake with some of our favorite friends for Memorial Weekend! I LOVE doing outdoorsy things. We live in such a beautiful place.  

+Pax got me flowers just because. I love him. He thinks flowers are dumb and the way he shows his love for me through service. Mine is physical touch, words of affirmation, and gifts....and ALL of them cause i'm needy hahaha.  So it was a big step for him and it made me appreciate him and the flowers SO MUCH.  

+Pax and I started playing tennis together and we bought a wii, even though he wishes it was a puppy instead

+I started doing Insanity Max 30 and it makes me want to die. I've done it consistently for 3 weeks now and I have a whole other month to go! It's tough to stick to something so hard but I'm glad that I'm doing it and hope to see SOME results.

+ Took my 2 little sisters to get manis and pedis, spent the evening hanging out with our family, and then watched The Intern- such a cute movie! 

xoxo

Bailey